Girl assaults mother outside Lahore High Court

[Hell hound]

jal jal kay mar jao gi C

 

[abdulbarijan]

Bro most probably we will find a middle ground like west(ok not exactly like west but still) ie they will choose their own partner and parents will give their blessings under the guise of arrange marriage. otherwise I don't see this qoum changing too much.we as qoum are too stubborn.

The west never found a middle ground ... Our systems are fundamentally different you see.... In our system if you want to mate or have "physical pleasure" for the lack of a better word ... Your only option is marriage ... as dictated by the religion an overwhelming majority of the population follows ... Same is case with Christianity ... However I'm not that informed on Hinduism and Sikhism, although from the little I know they are alot more "open to interpretation" ...
In the west two consenting adults can do whatever the heck they want. Marriage is only an option when your convinced your in love after dating in excess of atleast a year.

I think the system that might work for us is ... if we somehow are able to adopt a very problem solving mind set. So if a girl goes to her family that she wants to marry such and such, then the discussion should not be " tum nai hamari family ka nam mitti me mila dia" instead ... the discussion should be ... "Okay ... what does he do? .... What are is his prospects in the future? ... How does he behave with people ? ... Is he respectful, sincere and does he have enough maturity that he will be able to handle being a husband ? etc. " The families should meet up and smoothen out the rough edges and the issues they might have ... Same goes if a guy brings up a girl he's interested in ...

Why so excited?
He didn't ask you. Ok.
You have done 2 different sins here.
No one asked your opinion.

answer to all of your posts

 

[raihans]

there is no replacement for mother, sad indeed she hit her mother, and the moment she did this act, she lost her mother and the jannah too just for the love she wants

remember that wedlock without Wali is not a wedlock!!!

 

[Hell hound]

I think the system that might work for us is ... if we somehow are able to adopt a very problem solving mind set. So if a girl goes to her family that she wants to marry such and such, then the discussion should not be " tum nai hamari family ka nam mitti me mila dia" instead ... the discussion should be ... "Okay ... what does he do? .... What are is his prospects in the future? ... How does he behave with people ? ... Is he respectful, sincere and does he have enough maturity that he will be able to handle being a husband ? etc. " The families should meet up and smoothen out the rough edges and the issues they might have ... Same goes if a guy brings up a girl he's interested in ...

these things aren't that rare any more and are happening in our urban elite,higher middle class and up to some extant in lower middle class.educated parents belonging to these class usually do support their kids choices now unless there is some phophi or khala involve .but in rural areas these thing are still considered taboo aren't going away any time soon.

what. she started it first . @Moonlight

 

[Side-Winder]

First of all let's call it what it obviously is i.e. physical abuse and would amount up to a battery charge in the developed world and is without a doubt a condemn able act...

However, we don't know all the variables at play here. With the talk of "moral annihilation" at play any reasonable person has to be forced to see it through the lens of both parties i.e. the girl and her mother.

So this is the usual scenario,and let us customize it to our culture

1- The girl fell in love with some guy, her family protested because they had some other guy in mind for her and she wanted to marry the guy she fell in love with because she saw some inherent characteristics, a good personality and a great work ethic etc etc.... In that case, I don't know who I'd side with, because if I'm putting myself in the shoes of the lover, I have a very strong emotional reasoning that I can also rationalize ...
However, in the same scenario If I put myself in the shoes of the parents I might see some very rational thinking and reasoning on the part of the parents ..... So I think it depends on the case in this scenario. Maybe someone with a deeper understanding can share their reasoning ...@Moonlight @Zibago @Spring Onion @Akheilos ... Your input would be appreciated ...

2- The second scenario is more clear where a girl might have fall in love with a guy because he's a good looker and stuff like that. Qualities that don't merit to much once you step in to the real world. On the other hand the parents have a good guy in mind for their daughter who belongs to a good family, has a good personality, a good work ethic etc.
In this case siding with the family is alot easier however, the one saying "qabool hai" still has the final decision in his/her hand.
Now if the girl has brought this guy up in her discussion with her family as a potential partner and has asked them to consider him and they completely disregard her opinion and then she goes out and performs a court marriage. Well I do think there are some moral considerations in place speaking from a cultural perspective ---- however it pales in comparison to a girl just going off on her own performing a court marriage behind her folks back without even letting them know anything.

3- The third scenario is the dangerous one ... where the dirty side of our society shows its ugly face. Many times marriages are performed solely for the purpose of gaining wealth. There are observable cases with the culprits belonging from the boy's side of the family and there are also cases where the culprits are from the girl's side of the family. Some times girls themselves are gold diggers. Sometimes boy's get too taken in by a girl's beauty. Just working off stereotypical situations here ....

In this case serious moral issues are there where the ultimate goal is simply the lust for a body or for some coin ....

My take on this whole marriage issue as a guy and a bachelor myself is ...

Spoiler: Abdulbarijan's guide to a successful proposal :D

-First of all ... DONT ... DO NOT ... fall in love before marriage ...

-If you do ... Fall in love with someone with a good heart and a humble personality... instead of someone with a pretty face or a "hot bod" as most immature kids do these days ...

-If your sure that you are in love with someone .... as a guy ... then it's time to grow a pair and talk to the folks.Convince them your ready to take the big step. If they don't agree ... (usually cuz they think that their kid is young and immature and its a phase) ... time to become a man and get a job ... start taking responsibility and show them that you've matured ...

-Convince your parents ... then you go visit ... Ask her parents ... Give them enough breathing room to clear you and your family by asking around as is common practice. Most likely the decision will be in your favor ...

and if not ... no need to hang your head down ... there are 7 billion inhabitants of this planet ... half of them the other gender ... You'll get someone don't worry

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Sir, Thank You very Much for your suggestions!