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Generals gone wild

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Generals gone wild
Anjum Niaz
Friday, November 16, 2012

From Print Edition
Memo from USA

The writer is a freelance journalist.

Job vacancy – June 2010: General Stanley McChrystal, commander of American troops in Afghanistan stands fired. The ideal candidate filling this position will be tested for holding his tongue and stifling his love of himself. Tendency to go on ego trips with the media will not be tolerated.

Job vacancy – Nov 2012: Generals for hire: The Obama administration urgently needs two serving or retired four-star generals to serve as director CIA and commander of American troops in Afghanistan. Background checks will be done to ensure that the candidates are not inclined towards extramarital affairs. A psychologist will conduct a series of tests on the candidates to evaluate their endurance and willpower to spurn amorous propositions by the opposite sex while on duty. Encouraging groupies strictly forbidden.

What is a ‘groupie?’ It’s a young woman, who seeks to achieve status by intimacy with a celebrity or well-known public figure. In this case, top generals.

Some spadework by us may help the White House and the Pentagon to unearth the lethal Afghan love potion that proves a ‘killer.’ When drunk it turns into hemlock for their generals.

Do the scraggly mountain ranges of the Northwest exhale this exotic aphrodisiac? Or does the bare ruggedness expose the lovers to Adam-and-Eve-like situations. Tempted to taste the forbidden fruit, they end up with paradise lost. Perhaps it’s the eerie loneliness and fear of death that locks generals into a love tangle.

Romeos in the region are not the everyday ordinary Joe, but four-star generals! General David Petraeus on assuming charge as director CIA appeared in Afghanistan in April 2011. Call it magic. Call it a mirage. Call it a trapdoor.

The most-decorated soldier fell for the charms of his companion, 40-year-old Ms Broadwell, who embedded herself, shadowing the general and then furiously profiling his feats for her book during the day and cavorting at night.

The second ‘victim’ to fall is Gen John R. Allen, the American commander who succeeded David Petraeus in Afghanistan. He’s under investigation for “inappropriate communication” with Jill Kelley, a socialite in Tampa, Florida, who was seen as a rival for David Petraeus’s attentions by his mistress Paula Broadwell.

General Allen, who commands 68,000 American troops in Afghanistan, exchanged 20,000 to 30,000 pages of e-mails with Jill Kelley, a married mother of two. Kelley’s parents migrated to America from Lebanon years ago.

Before Petraeus and Allen, we had General Stanley McChrystal as the American commander in Afghanistan. Remember the damning write-up quoting the general jeering team Obama in Rolling Stone magazine (June 2010)? The White House went ballistic. Inflammatory quotes, ascribed to anonymous sources close to the general in Kabul, suggested President Obama as being unfit to be the commander-in-chief. McChrystal’s bluster was summed up as: “The general prides himself on being sharper than anyone else... He never takes his eyes away from the real enemies of the United States: the wimps in the White House.”

Vice President Biden was christened ‘Bite Me’ while Gen James Jones, the national security adviser, was a “clown.” General McChrystal himself was described as reacting with disdain upon receiving emails from (the late) Richard Holbrooke, the special representative for Afghanistan and Pakistan.

The general was summoned to Washington, fired and replaced by Gen David Petraeus, his former boss. Last April he was given the charge to head the CIA, while General Allen was sent to Afghanistan to relieve him.

The Afghan trajectory of the three top generals untangled, shall we get down to discussing our ‘old friend’ David Petraeus? For starters, let me commiserate with our anchors and talking heads on Pakistan TV channels who are forced once again to take his name, not once but a thousand times these days. The name, admittedly, is a tongue-twister or, shall we say, tongue-in-cheek?

Allow me to quote from a column ‘Gen Betray-us to Icon Petraeus’ that I wrote on these pages in April 2011. This is what I said:

“In September of 2007, I ‘shadowed’ Gen David P during his congressional hearings in Washington DC. As the architect of the Iraq surge, he was commanding the US forces there. He had convinced the Bush administration that for the final ‘surge’ on Iraq he needed more troops on (the) ground. MoveOn.org, a political NGO funded by billionaire George Soros, reacted sharply. It took out a full-page ad in the New York Times with his mugshot headlined ‘General Petraeus or General Betray Us?’

The nickname ‘Betray-us’ stuck. Leading Democrats in the Senate and the House openly castigated President George W Bush’s favourite general. Their catcalls of ‘Gen Betray-us’ reverberated throughout Capitol Hill, sending shockwaves to the horrified Bush administration. The Republicans hit back by calling their most successful general ‘King David.’

Petraeus, whose Princeton doctoral thesis was on the Vietnam War and the US use of superior technology and firepower, chose Ryan Crocker to be his “eyes and ears” in Kabul. Ambassador Ryan Crocker, the shrewdly suave diplomat served in Pakistan before joining the general in Baghdad. He was told to keep a close watch on the slippery Karzai government.

‘Results, boy results,’ is what General Petraeus always demanded from his soldiers. These are the words he heard from his Dutch dad while growing up.

Finally, the chatter in the US liberal media shifted gears when Petraeus, 60, became the CIA head. Now he was hailed as the ‘most iconic battle commander of his generation.’ Military analysts credited him with great success when he said: ‘America can successfully wage war against elusive enemies.’ After all, he was the “Professor of War” whose counterinsurgency doctrine had paid rich dividends in Iraq.”

What is counterinsurgency? Simply stated, it is ‘political and military strategy or action intended to oppose and forcefully suppress insurgency.’

Many believed that, because Petraeus was a threat to President Obama as a presidential candidate (in 2012), Obama sealed his fate by appointing him as director CIA last year. The general squashed the rumours by telling Vanity Fair: “I’m not running for president.”

Jack Keane, a retired four-star general, commented that Petraeus should have been made chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff after Admiral Mike Mullen’s retirement. Having “turned around two wars, I think it is outrageous that he wasn’t offered that position.”

Well, for one thing, if Petraeus had been given Mullen’s job, at least his chances of falling in love with Paula Broadwell would have minimised. David Petraeus would still be the CIA czar today!

Email: anjumniaz@rocketmail.com
Generals gone wild - Anjum Niaz
 

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