Dear Mr Munshi
We categorically deny any association with the attempted assassination of the journalist in Pakistan. In fact we condemn it. We also deny being of any threat to you and your safety. Your book has come to the knowledge of our association. Since none of our agents agreed to read your book, we cannot comment on its contents. Our agents can only undertake suicide missions outside of India hence we couldn't compel them to read your book and face the bleak prospect of laughing themselves to death. We believe that sales of your book is at an all time low even though you are offering it for free. We will offer pooja for your book to be read by somebody other than you. It has however come to our attention that you recently bought a bamboo pole and you have moved closer to the border with India. We must warn you that a house servant's salary in India has recently depreciated due to oversupply from Bangladesh and you wearing a "I love NaMo" tshirt will in no way guarantee you that sought after employment should you make the jump. Please pass our fond love to Hasina Bibi in your writings to your local newspaper.
Regards
P Warrior Gupta (Deputy Director Operations - R&AW India)