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30 years after marriage, Indian women say their husbands’ names for the first time
Global Village Space |
In many parts of India, a woman will go to great lengths to avoid saying her husband’s name and even that of elder men in the family. Instead, she will use a pronoun or ‘father of my child’. From Chhattisgarh to Maharashtra to Uttar Pradesh, women affirm that social pressure to respect one’s husband, and a fear of the consequences of not following the norm, keep this practice alive. Last year, a kangaroo court sentenced Malati Mahatoto from the Indian State of Odisha to be ostracized from her family and the entire village after she addressed an in-law by his name.
Rohini Pawar has, for the past seven years, used her video camera to expose practices ranging from child marriages to ostracisation of people living with HIV/AIDS face
While many men also reciprocate the tradition by not calling their wives by their names, they face far lesser censure, if any, when they don’t follow the practice.
Read more: Why dark-skinned women often pay a higher dowry?
In a small village called Walhe, in Pune district, Maharashtra, nine women, including health workers and housewives, have become members of a unique club that are fast becoming the talk of the town. A space that is their very own to discuss and debate the nuances of patriarchy. The club is one of 56 being run across 13 states in India and is part of #KhelBadal, a campaign to dismantle patriarchy being run by Video Volunteers. Rohini Pawar, who for the past seven years has used her video camera to expose practices ranging from child marriages to ostracisation of people living with HIV/AIDS face, runs these clubs. She shares how these clubs have created a safe space for these women and turned them into agents of change as well.
The first video Rohini decided to screen in her discussion club was on the practice of women not addressing their husbands by their first name. She chose this because she wanted to throw open the conversation on patriarchy with an issue that the women could easily engage with. Not being able to call their husbands’ names out is a practice they have all dutifully upheld, and not once questioned. According to Rohini:
This custom indicates that a woman respects her husband and wants him to live a long life. A woman who doesn’t follow it will be seen as cunning, a woman with no morals. The tradition is so deeply rooted that we hadn’t given it thought until this discussion club.
To begin with, Rohini wanted to test out the waters at her own home where she had never called her husband by his name. She showed the discussion club video to her husband and mother-in-law. Rohini recounts:
My mother-in-law and husband were quiet for a long time after the video ended. Prakash, my husband, turned around and told me to call him by his name from then on.
Read more: Indian Muslim Women suffering because of abuse of Islamic Law
Armed with this confidence, Rohini started her first discussion club. Many women hadn’t heard the word ‘patriarchy’ ever before; some believed that it was a good thing because it meant that the younger members of a family, especially girls and women, would remain protected. The session started with Rohini screening a video on the issue from Uttar Pradesh. After watching the video the women tried an exercise to get the discussion going. Rohini asked each participant to say her husband’s name in a variety of emotions – happy, angry, sad, loving, and so on. She asked them all, “If we can’t say our husbands’ names, and they can call us whatever they like, does that mean they don’t respect us? Shouldn’t it be equal?”
“Some of these women have been married for 30 years and that was the first day they uttered their husbands’ names,” says Rohini Pawar, from Walhe Village, Maharashtra about breaking an age-old custom where married women are never supposed to say their husband’s names. Rohini says:
During the activity, one woman was so shy she just giggled for the duration of the exercise; another decided to vent all her cumulative frustration against him and his family by cursing him. The look on their faces was ecstatic. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.
Read full article:
30 years after marriage, Indian women say their husbands’ names for the first time
Global Village Space |
In many parts of India, a woman will go to great lengths to avoid saying her husband’s name and even that of elder men in the family. Instead, she will use a pronoun or ‘father of my child’. From Chhattisgarh to Maharashtra to Uttar Pradesh, women affirm that social pressure to respect one’s husband, and a fear of the consequences of not following the norm, keep this practice alive. Last year, a kangaroo court sentenced Malati Mahatoto from the Indian State of Odisha to be ostracized from her family and the entire village after she addressed an in-law by his name.
Rohini Pawar has, for the past seven years, used her video camera to expose practices ranging from child marriages to ostracisation of people living with HIV/AIDS face
While many men also reciprocate the tradition by not calling their wives by their names, they face far lesser censure, if any, when they don’t follow the practice.
Read more: Why dark-skinned women often pay a higher dowry?
In a small village called Walhe, in Pune district, Maharashtra, nine women, including health workers and housewives, have become members of a unique club that are fast becoming the talk of the town. A space that is their very own to discuss and debate the nuances of patriarchy. The club is one of 56 being run across 13 states in India and is part of #KhelBadal, a campaign to dismantle patriarchy being run by Video Volunteers. Rohini Pawar, who for the past seven years has used her video camera to expose practices ranging from child marriages to ostracisation of people living with HIV/AIDS face, runs these clubs. She shares how these clubs have created a safe space for these women and turned them into agents of change as well.
The first video Rohini decided to screen in her discussion club was on the practice of women not addressing their husbands by their first name. She chose this because she wanted to throw open the conversation on patriarchy with an issue that the women could easily engage with. Not being able to call their husbands’ names out is a practice they have all dutifully upheld, and not once questioned. According to Rohini:
This custom indicates that a woman respects her husband and wants him to live a long life. A woman who doesn’t follow it will be seen as cunning, a woman with no morals. The tradition is so deeply rooted that we hadn’t given it thought until this discussion club.
To begin with, Rohini wanted to test out the waters at her own home where she had never called her husband by his name. She showed the discussion club video to her husband and mother-in-law. Rohini recounts:
My mother-in-law and husband were quiet for a long time after the video ended. Prakash, my husband, turned around and told me to call him by his name from then on.
Read more: Indian Muslim Women suffering because of abuse of Islamic Law
Armed with this confidence, Rohini started her first discussion club. Many women hadn’t heard the word ‘patriarchy’ ever before; some believed that it was a good thing because it meant that the younger members of a family, especially girls and women, would remain protected. The session started with Rohini screening a video on the issue from Uttar Pradesh. After watching the video the women tried an exercise to get the discussion going. Rohini asked each participant to say her husband’s name in a variety of emotions – happy, angry, sad, loving, and so on. She asked them all, “If we can’t say our husbands’ names, and they can call us whatever they like, does that mean they don’t respect us? Shouldn’t it be equal?”
“Some of these women have been married for 30 years and that was the first day they uttered their husbands’ names,” says Rohini Pawar, from Walhe Village, Maharashtra about breaking an age-old custom where married women are never supposed to say their husband’s names. Rohini says:
During the activity, one woman was so shy she just giggled for the duration of the exercise; another decided to vent all her cumulative frustration against him and his family by cursing him. The look on their faces was ecstatic. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.
Read full article:
30 years after marriage, Indian women say their husbands’ names for the first time
